Shadow Life
Venice Beach - Los Angeles
At nineteen I knew what I wanted in life, I wanted a clean bathroom, I wanted perfume and soaps that smelled expensive, I wanted a place of my own and a door I could lock behind me....
I managed to achieve most of the above, the door though never did, never has locked, and I find myself wondering what my life would have been if I had achieved that one last wish. Staying as I am alone in a brilliantly funky bungalow, just made for one, a block from Venice Beach, a short walk from the cafes and shops on Abbott Kinney Ave I feel like I have now got that key, I can lock the door. I fall for places more than people, I love walking alone, thinking alone and being alone in order to share more completely the process of my journey of observing and listening, drifting through stories in my mind..
I see a million futures ahead of me, paths beckoning and opportunities knocking. I made my bed and now I lie in it, happily, contemplating the glimpses of shadow lives I might have led, may still lead, and even though I push the thought away the concept of time occasionally nips at me as I remember that my youngest child is almost as old as I was when I had that dream of how my life could unfold...
And here I am unfolding again. A year since the last born has flown, and we are both getting braver by the day, the separation is hard, I miss them both, and yet I want them to be free, secure knowing I think the world of them, secure knowing they have my support in what ever path they take, for how ever long they take it.
And I want for them to see that while society may see our desires for a life beyond the prescribed as indulgent, hedonistic, selfish, I see it as brave. It takes bravery to do things differently and I want more than anything to be brave about life.
I'm thinking about the next step already... I can step out of shadow.
Words can have wings,
dreams can come true.
I have stood in the path of life
seen the collaborations and collisions
that chances taken make
the fruits born of different seeds
the naked hope
the blind fear
memories bind me in silken bondage
to the kaliedescope
freak show of pieces of me..
I can spend a day lying under the sun
traveling through my realized dreams
unplanned adventures
wild days of wonder
bruised dawns walking away from a place called home
heartbroken sunsets in cities that did not know me
my footsteps echo on a million streets
in the map of my mind
looking for something that
I don't care to ever find.
At nineteen I knew what I wanted in life, I wanted a clean bathroom, I wanted perfume and soaps that smelled expensive, I wanted a place of my own and a door I could lock behind me....
I managed to achieve most of the above, the door though never did, never has locked, and I find myself wondering what my life would have been if I had achieved that one last wish. Staying as I am alone in a brilliantly funky bungalow, just made for one, a block from Venice Beach, a short walk from the cafes and shops on Abbott Kinney Ave I feel like I have now got that key, I can lock the door. I fall for places more than people, I love walking alone, thinking alone and being alone in order to share more completely the process of my journey of observing and listening, drifting through stories in my mind..
I see a million futures ahead of me, paths beckoning and opportunities knocking. I made my bed and now I lie in it, happily, contemplating the glimpses of shadow lives I might have led, may still lead, and even though I push the thought away the concept of time occasionally nips at me as I remember that my youngest child is almost as old as I was when I had that dream of how my life could unfold...
And here I am unfolding again. A year since the last born has flown, and we are both getting braver by the day, the separation is hard, I miss them both, and yet I want them to be free, secure knowing I think the world of them, secure knowing they have my support in what ever path they take, for how ever long they take it.
And I want for them to see that while society may see our desires for a life beyond the prescribed as indulgent, hedonistic, selfish, I see it as brave. It takes bravery to do things differently and I want more than anything to be brave about life.
I'm thinking about the next step already... I can step out of shadow.
Words can have wings,
dreams can come true.
I have stood in the path of life
seen the collaborations and collisions
that chances taken make
the fruits born of different seeds
the naked hope
the blind fear
memories bind me in silken bondage
to the kaliedescope
freak show of pieces of me..
I can spend a day lying under the sun
traveling through my realized dreams
unplanned adventures
wild days of wonder
bruised dawns walking away from a place called home
heartbroken sunsets in cities that did not know me
my footsteps echo on a million streets
in the map of my mind
looking for something that
I don't care to ever find.
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